Hey! Commission a report

Theft inquiry launched as NHS seen as 'easy target'
The NHS has launched an investigation into thefts, amid reports criminals see the service as an "easy target". Among the items snatched have been ambulance satellite navigation systems, patients' belongings and hospital equipment and laptops.
An easy target? Tell me something I don't know. In fact, tell me something I didn't know 35 years ago.
The NHS Security Management Service believes the health service is vulnerable because large parts of its estate have to be open to the public. It wants to see if extra measures need to be put in place to improve security.
Mmmm, let me think about that, for a nanosecond... YES, you idiots, of course they do! Jeez.