And tighten your buttocks, pour juice on your chin; I promised my girlfriend I'd play the the violin, violin, violin ...

Oo-er! And you thought pelvic exercises were only for women

For six months her husband Robert had been suffering from impotence, so Sue Langton suggested they consult their GP. The couple assumed Robert, a 45-year-old teacher, would be prescribed Viagra. They were astonished when instead, the GP referred him to a physiotherapist to be taught pelvic floor exercises - the same 'women's exercises' Sue, 43, had done after giving birth to their daughter.

And hey, it worked. After a few months Robert was back shagging the missus like there was no tomorrow and all due to squeezing his arse muscles a few times a day. Or was it? Half way down the Daily Mail article we read this:

Robert scored four out of six in his test of pelvic floor muscle strength - below par, probably because he was overweight, drinking too much and unfit. He was told to eat a healthier diet, start regular exercise and drink no more than two glasses of wine a night. Most importantly (sic), he began the pelvic floor exercises as often as possible during the day.

Fat, middle-aged, pissed-up couch potato has trouble getting it up. Oooh, I bet it's those pesky pelvic floor muscles...