Forget the schoolboard man, welcome waterboard man.
/'Retrain ex-soldiers' as teachers
Update: See Justin's brilliant take on this:Former soldiers should be retrained as teachers and used to bring military style discipline to tough inner city schools, a think tank has said. The government is being urged to adopt a US-style programme which brings ex-servicemen and women back to school.
The Centre for Policy Studies says ex-soldiers could have a profound effect on discipline and learning. The Conservatives are backing the idea, saying children need order and role models for self-discipline.
The report says the fact that ex-soldiers had a macho image could help engender respect - particularly among boys.
Instead of responding to, and trying to outdo, the machismo of Johnny Knobhead and his spotty mates, we should be preying on it. Put pussification on the national curriculum. Recruit former drag artists as teachers. Make the boys in the class wear filly aprons in Home Economics, take photos of them and put the pictures on the school website.
Get ‘Four Poofs and a Piano’ to teach music. Make So Macho by Sinita the official school song and enforce its singing before registration every day. Don’t chase truants, instead start disgusting but plausible rumours about them in their absence. Put a truant’s mobile number along with a promise of lewd acts on the boys’ toilet wall. No one will dare skip school again.
