We've got a house full of teenagers for the next two weeks. My son's friends have flown up from Kent to enjoy the delights of Aberdeen. My internet connection is taking a hammering with three X-Box lives, four laptops and two desktops active most of the time.

These lads eat like horses. Full cooked breakfasts every morning and huge meals in the evening. Last night I was busy making thirty portions of chicken curry and bolognese sauce. We had fish and chips this evening - thirty bloody quid!  Jeez, when I was a kid in south London we used to pay one shilling (5 pence) for a child's portion of cod and chips served on a plate and eaten in the restaurant section. Eeee, those were great days...well, apart from the polio, the poverty and the pederasts.

I'm off, before this turns into the Four Yorkshiremen sketch.