Chicken Yoghurt - D’you wanna be in my gang?

Are our egos so damaged in the swirling mass of eschatological turds that is modern life that we fluff them with online lists of ‘friends’? Christ, at least with MySpace you run the risk of stumbling over a decent tune or two. Facebook, however and unless I’m missing something pretty fundamental, is culturally devoid of such rare treats. It merely serves the same purpose as a pen and paper and the nagging suspicion that you’re not as popular as you think or would like to be. Dammit, you’re going to make a list to prove it ain’t so. It’s a pissing contest against yourself. Grow up.

I'm too old to get all this stuff anyway. I don't want any more friends, thank you very much, not that some stranger who decides they 'like' you and want to be on your list constitutes a friend. Ring them at three in the morning and tell them you've run out of petrol on the A3 and see what they say. If you do want to extend your social circle and become Mr. Popular however,  I suggest you buy an 'enry of Charlie and turn up at the next available social gathering with your bag and some McDonald's straws. You'll be fighting them off.