Weapons of Mass DeSUCKtion

Look out! It's the Mint Imperial Army.

Just when you thought it couldn't get more risible:

Sweets were banned from the Labour Party Conference because they could be used as missiles.

Simon Hoggart reflects:

Missiles! What has Labour come to? The party of Hardie, Attlee and Bevan, afraid that its speakers might be cut down under a fusillade of Fox's Glacier mints and Fishermen's Friends!As Hugh Gaitskell would have said: "I will fight, fight, and fight again to save the party that I love, no matter how many Liquorice Allsorts you throw at me!"Later I learned that an old woman, a known and notorious leftie, had a bag of Mint Imperials confiscated, for fear that she might create mayhem by rolling them along the floor. (However I managed to smuggle in three of those individual Toblerone things - which, being triangular and sharp-edged, are lethal anti-personnel weapons.)The issue may be tiny, but it is a reflection of the state of the Labour party now, combining bombast, vainglory and total paranoia.

Police want to interview this man, believed to be Bertie Bin Bassett, seen running from the conference hall yesterday. Do not approach. He can be very unpleasant - especially the coconut one with the liqourice centre, yuk!